I kind of feel like this is what everyone is thinking whenever I walk into a room.
Don’t get me wrong, I am okay with it. And I see it as a joke when I am at home. But I would be lying if I said that I sometimes I wish I was NOT the chick who spoke in movie quotes when she got nervous, or started doing weird dances when she was at a loss for words. It is a difficult way to be. Most folks do not understand why I am the way I am, or the reasons for my odd behavior.
The truth is, I suffer from terrible social anxiety. And the movie quotes, the odd dances, and the random giggling, is my defense mechanism. They all keep me from showing the ‘real me’.
What my husband finds funny about this is, when he met me I had none of these issues. I was fearless. I was the kind of girl that I DREAM of being today. I was thin, pretty, admired, popular, and busy. One of the things my husband loved about me was my ability to appear ‘above it all’, as he puts it. I was so different from who I am now.
Not that I am complaining. I mean, sure. I wish I was still cool. But hey. I am too old to be cool, I suppose. I will take my social anxiety, thankyouverymuch. Sure, the isolation sucks, and sure I miss the perks that came with being a bold, beautiful creature. But the more therapy I receive, the more freakish I become. So I suppose I am just becoming the person I was suppose to be had I not had the daddy issues and other abuse in my life. Right?